Hey sis! I hope your day is starting out productive and meaningful towards your goals. Today is National Reconciliation Day , and I wanted to take this day to talk about something that that affects all of us even though we may be on different journeys. I’m talking about our old relationships. Now these old relationships can be ones with your parents, lovers that turned to haters, or besties that went bad. No matter why the relationship is in the past, all that matters now is that your reconcile it and move forward.
What is reconciling and how should I do it?
Well usually I would answer your questions with the concrete definitions of the word, however I think in this case it’s okay to have different variations of the meaning between people. When you reconcile something the definition is to “restore friendly relations between”, however I don’t think that you have to act friendly towards anyone. In fact, sometimes you can get more satisfaction by removing that person from your life completely vs just trying to be friendly and cordial. So for the answer to “what is reconciling”, I will leave it up to you to decide what feels best, However I will include a few of my personal opinions:
- Forgive Them– this one is taboo and not many people believe in it these days, but know that the person was human, and depending on where people are in their lives, and what they have been through, they could have been at a toxic point. Some people change and some don’t, but I argue that forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you (They don’t even have to know you forgave them).
- Forgive Yourself – By far much harder than forgiving them. Don’t beat yourself up for
“allowing” certain things to happen or for being “dumb”. Remember that you are also a human with emotions and that giving a person benefit of the doubt is normal especially when you care for a person, and not a sign (or lack thereof) of intelligence.
- Go to therapy – I’m not therapist, I can only express the most superficial aspects of reconciling relationships. A therapist can really help you dive deep into your specific needs to reconcile to help you move on, and or heal yourself emotionally from hurt.
Why is reconciling important?
So I know what your thinking, “why should i forgive so and so ex, he was an asshole”, and yes that is probably true. However, when you don’t reconcile these past relationships and take your lessons from them, then you run the risk of carrying them into the new relationships you create. You have a toxic distrust of new friends, and new lovers that will ultimately ruin your relationships. It’s important that you give the new people in your life a chance to build a solid relationship with you, and you can’t do it without trust. One of the main reasons that people can’t trust is because they are still harboring pain from previous relationships. Remember that the phrase “hurt people, hurt people”, is very true and that if you dont heal yourself you may turn around and hurt someone else, inflicting the same harm on them that you once felt yourself.
Okay sis, so now that we know what reconciling is and why it’s important, I want you to comment down below with your experiences reconciling and some tips on how you did it! I hope that we can cultivate meaningful and loving relationships in our worlds, and as always, Live your best life sis!