Hey sis, I hope all is well for you in 2019 so far, and that you are cultivating the life that you want to live. I thought I would write to you today about something that affects all of us, and that is our friendships. In 2018 I learned that it is important to value my friendships with the people in my life and all of my relationships in general. With that being said however, there are some friendships that bring very little value into your life, and should not be apart of your future. If you are reading this then I know you are similar to me In the way that you value your time and energy. Your time and energy are two things that, if wasted, can set you back on your path and can conjure up negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions in you. And what better way to waste your time than in unproductive and energy-sucking friendships? So today I thought I would bring you the top three things I look for in friends, and maybe you should look at these things too.
Is your friend jealous of you in an unhealthy way?
Now I know what you’re thinking, “how can jealousy be healthy?”. Well in most cases it isn’t, but it’s also a natural part of life, and many of us have been jealous of another person at one point in time or another. Personally I have been jealous of a friend (multiple friends actually), But that jealousy has never stopped me from being a good friend. In a healthy friendship, a friend can become jealous of you, but those feelings won’t interfere with your friendship. They can be jealous of you, but still genuinely root for your happiness and push those negative feelings aside. A person who is able to do that is a friend worth holding onto even though they are jealous of you.
Does your friend push or influence you?
Here is a big one that many of us miss out on. Left and right I hear people looking for someone to hold them accountable. While I feel that the only person that can hold you accountable is you, I also feel that a good friend can push you, or influence you to accomplish your goals, simply by accomplishing their own. Now, friends tend to influence each other in general, so the next thing that you should look at is, “what they are influencing you to do?”. Are they influencing you to drink all the time, do drugs and party? Or are they influencing you towards achieving fitness and career goals. The latter type of friend is the one you should be searching for and holding on to. The former can be fun at times, but there is more to life than just having fun, and the friendships in your circle should reflect that.
Does your friend listen to you?
I can’t stress this enough ladies and I hope you can feel where I’m coming from. You need people that won’t just listen, but that will listen in a way that makes you feel good about your friendship with them. I’ll give you an example, My best friend was going through some hard times. And even though I always listened to her, I wasn’t doing it in a way that fulfilled her. You see, I’m a problem solver and I hate to see the people I love going through hard times, I often try to fix their problems instead of just giving them a loving ear when they need it. After my bestie told me about myself I really had to reflect on that and try to do better. While I still try to fix things from time to time, I’m working on getting better at just listening and being there for her. Are your friends doing that for you, especially after you talk about your feelings? Or are they just saying “that’s dumb”, and are unwilling to give you what you need from their friendship?
Friends that do these things for you are one in a million and your relationships with them should be valued for what they are. Friends that don’t do these things are a hindrance in your life, and while I can say to just cut them all off, or at least not to spend too much energy on them, That decision is yours and yours alone.
What do you think? Do you have any friends like this? Let’s have a discussion in the comments below!
And as always, I want you to live your best life sis, and find friends living theirs too!